Today's Lesson

In our experience we have met 2 types of parents; parents looking for the best school (‘best’ based on a set of criteria predetermined well before they speak to us). And - the other type of parent.  Parents who are determined to find the best school for their child.

 

If you are the first type of parent, best of luck to you on your search. We are confident you will find an amazing school (as many do exist) and your child may (or may not) bask in their glow of excellence. Unfortunately, excellence does not breed through osmosis. We believe that one rather, should approach selecting their child’s school with a grain of realism. 

 

Which brings me to the most important question you can ask yourself to launch your search: “What is the best school for my child?”

 

At Wolff Educational Services we conduct needs assessments that breaks this criteria into 3 selection houses. They are the Social, Emotional and Academic Houses of your child’s success and achievement at school. We have broken these houses into realistic criteria based on actual achievement data (the learning skills) and are written in academic language (reflective of curriculum expectations). Once the assessment is completed, it is simply a matter of matching the results (your child's area of strength and need) with the schools that offer programming in these areas. The equation breeds student success and achievement. Its flawless in its design.

 

Parents, education today is comprised of these 3 houses working together in unity and harmony. Students must demonstrate learning in all 3 of these areas in order to be successful. The way the curriculum is taught and learned is not inherent of 20th century practices anymore. 21st century classrooms are much more layered in there design and learning platforms are reflective of differentiated instruction, individualized for your child to demonstrate learning and skills. 

 

Before you begin your school search, know what it is your are looking for. Know what your child's strengths and areas of need are in each area (house) of the learning platforms and how they relate to both the classroom and school. Understand what the classroom does and can do, map the landscape as you would any foreign environment. 

 

And if you feel like you need an education in all things education before you try and map out a route for your child - call us! We can help - however, we will only find the best school for your child….not necessarily what you think is the best school.

 

Until Our Next Lesson……

 

Dropping off your child at school - a retrospective

In the age of engaged parenting - are we really protecting our kids from long term pain and disappointment or are we protecting ourselves in the short term?

This is a question I have thought a lot about in the wake of dropping off my firstborn at University this month for his first year away from home. For some unknown painful reason - in the weeks leading up to him starting University - I was flooded with memories of his JK drop off. How it was 5 minutes ago that I watched him line up against a brick wall with a brand new Batman backpack and his Seahawks baseball cap. When it was time to enter the building the teacher at the front of the line instructed the children to follow her. He bravely grasped the straps of his bag, held his head high and started walking towards the door, and kept walking…he did not look back. Not a glance, not a tilt of his head…nothing.  

I was floored. Was this a moment of pride and joy that spoke to what a great parent I was because my 3.5 year old independently glided (literally - like a gazelle) into kindergarten? Or was this a moment of sorrow that I alone faced? Was I in mourning for my toddler to need me more than he did? I would be lying if I said his independence at this particular juncture brought me an ounce of joy - I was crushed. Crushed that he didn’t need me. Crushed that he didn’t wave, or give me a look saying “I'm not ready mom - I want to go home and do a puzzle with you and go to the park”.  He didn’t look back. And my heart was a tiny bit broken. Was it this moment that made me want to ingest myself into his life - a life that now included 7 hours a day without me in it? Yup. Yes it was. That was the moment I became a bit of a chopper.

His elementary years were a blur - he was a social kid, made all the teams, did well at school - a teacher's dream. The subtext of all of this is that he did not need me. Oh and also - that hindsight is 20/20, because you know what I did not know then? That!

I found ways to try and make his smooth life smoother. I would email teachers, host playdates, drive carpools, volunteer at his school, I joined the parent council and involved myself even more. It was an endless barrage of me doing things to keep myself in his periphery. And going through it - I was certain it was good parenting. And for the most part it was….except for this one tiny minute detail…I was blinded by what he actually needed vs. what I actually needed. That was the line that got blurred and that is when engaged parenting (better than helicopter right?) can become dangerous terrain.

What terrain do you ask? Engaged parenting in its essence is an oxymoron that will, if done properly, ultimately backfire on you. If you are an over-active parent who is involved in every aspect of your child's life, what you are telling them is that you do not trust or believe in them to do anything on their own. If you are always fixing problems - or preventing them from happening with intentional actions (ie: calling the coach to discuss ice time - you know who you are) then you are never allowing them to develop the coping skills that they need to deal with disappointment. 

I know - you are thinking - why on earth would I want my child to ever have to deal with disappointment when I can help avoid that for them? I will tell you why - because one day you are going to drop them off at University and they are going to have to manage on their own. Let that hit - Manage Everything On Their Own. 

I have wondered in the last few months if Universities operate in a silo that is cut off from the rest of the world because they are really out of touch with how these incoming students have been raised. First of all - they won’t let you call and ask anything on behalf of the student (aka: your child - the human whom you birthed). That's right - the student has to call themselves - they have to do everything themselves from picking their courses to applying to residence to figuring out a move in date and a meal plan. Don’t the schools know these are kids who for the most part do not have any experience in this field???

And here we are - full circle. The nightmare that I had all summer of my little peanut lining up against that kindergarten wall was a haunting reminder that my boy will be gone before I know it. And - that awakening was more than just cruel and unusual punishment. It was a big fat wake up call.

It reminded me that he is independant, that he always has been and the only thing that got in his way was me. What I should have been doing in those moments of tying skates, packing lunches, cleaning toys, doing homework and sending emails and phone calls to circumvent, fix and smooth…was help him master these skills, not do them for him.

And so, my best advice to the parents of today is to step back and enjoy the view from behind, not beside. And if your kid struts their stuff into Kindergarten, elementary, middle or highschool - find the joy in that moment - because you are already doing everything right.

Until our next lesson….